Australia Quali

It’s the 2026 season start and we’re at the first race of Formula 1 in Albert Park. The two Mercedes head out for Quali. Verstappen and Russell drive out in tandem, Russell bringing up the rear. Whether figuratively or not, Russell bringing up the rear has been the theme throughout the entire practice season after Max signed his 2 year contract with Mercedes after leaving Red Bull. Max doesn’t play second fiddle, he’s a killer, he is in front.

In a stunning revelation that will shake the very fabric of motorsport, Mercedes has declared its allegiance with time travel. However, before you get too excited, their version appears to exclusively enable half-second jumps back in time, and only while navigating a trio of devilish bends at the Jeddah Corniche Circuit.

Team principal Toto Wolff, known for his understated charm, commented, “today was not a good day for us” following a race where Lewis Hamilton played hide and seek with the points, coming in ninth, while George Russell managed a slightly more heroic sixth.

Opening Scene: a vacant throne at Mercedes beckoning the bravest knights from across the realm. As the dust settles on Lewis Hamilton’s shock pivot to Ferrari (imagine swapping silver for red, bold move, Lewis), the Silver Arrow squad finds itself playing musical chairs for the 2025 season. Amidst the whispers and speculation, one name wafts through the paddock like the tantalizing aroma of a well-prepared sauna – Valtteri Bottas.

Our blonde-maned, posterior-showcasing Finn hasn’t exactly been twiddling his thumbs since his 2021 Mercedes adieu. He’s been living it up at Alfa Romeo/Sauber (sorry, Stake F1 because apparently we rebrand as easily as Bottas gets naked for calendars). But with his Sauber gig wrapping up in 2024 and Audi looming on the horizon like a meticulously engineered storm, what’s a chap to do?